Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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