I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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