cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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