Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
