Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
