"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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