just come out here and I will go home with you...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
