she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
