Umm I'm too high to move.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
