I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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