I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
