I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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