you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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