Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
