In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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