All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
