You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
