I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
