if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
