Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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