That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
