I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
