I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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