i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
