Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
