i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
