Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
