we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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