My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
