can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
