I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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