im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
