What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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