Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
