he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
