I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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