3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
