Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
