Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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