Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
