sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He did a backflip because drugs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
