you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
