lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
