My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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