I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
