the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
