He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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