perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
