So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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