Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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