wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
